Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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