You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you would pick up someone in the library
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
