I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
