you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
