The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Your cock deserves a montage
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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