Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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