You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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