Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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