if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
