In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize