You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
