quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
