I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize