hell yes lets make some ravioli
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
