sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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