I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
3pm strippers are depressing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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