it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
