i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize