HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
