saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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