i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My feet surprised me
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