I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
