I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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