Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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