U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
