How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i love accidental penises.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
