I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
