just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
