I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
