i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
