I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
