IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
