there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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