goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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