zippers are such a cool invention
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
