My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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