He uses pillows to masturbate.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
