Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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