I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
