everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
