I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
