why didn't you poke me back
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
