U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I smell stomach acid.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize