I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
