I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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