when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
