Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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