oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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