you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
