the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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