my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
