Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Send help, water and tortillas.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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