Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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