my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
