So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
