a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
