i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
