I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
