Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
