Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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