pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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