so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
