I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
