If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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