no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
