where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
