You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
